For Those About to TrollBag

(We Salute You)

Aaaand we’re back! For those of you who were comatose last week, you can read Part 1 of this month’s TrollBag here.

Also, for those of you who might be so inclined, the TrollBag now has its own Twitter page right here (twitter.com/TrollBagQs). Give it a follow!

Anyways, let’s get to it.

I believe so. There are some questions regarding mid-relief – notably the conundrum that is Matt Thornton – but the Tazawa-Breslow-Uehara trio is solid and remember, a starter – most likely Doubront or Dempster – will be likely coming out of the ‘pen come playoff time as well.

…no.

(Napoli as a Backstreet Boy is a hilarious mental image though.)

I hear they’re Jonny Gomes’ guilty pleasure.

Wow, what an excellent question! It’s like you read my mind!

In terms of WAR, it already is. Victorino has accounted for 5.7 WAR in only 109 games, surpassing his career-high of 5.6 in 132 in 2011.

On a deeper level, Victorino’s 2013 measures up to his career numbers in a number of interesting ways. He’s striking out more and walking less, but his wOBA is at the second-highest mark of his career, surpassed only by the aforementioned 2011 season. Offensively, he’s hitting for slightly more power than usual, but with a bit worse of a plate approach.

The most dramatic difference in Victorino’s stats, though, comes from his contributions in the field. Victorino has always been known as an elite defender, but his current 27.2 UZR is a dramatic jump from his previous career-high of 12.8 in 2006.

Victorino has been red-hot in September, and with 18 games remaining, could end up sizably surpassing his career-high in WAR. The Red Sox were panned by some for signing Victorino to a 3-year, $39 million this past offseason, but it’s safe to say he’s now exceeded even the most optimistic of projections at this point. With 18 games remaining, it’ll be interesting to see just how much Victorino can raise that WAR mark above his 2011 level.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter (@PoarchDaniel) may have seen my Brent Lillibridge Facts from a few weeks ago. Well, how about something similar with the Houston Astros?

Houston Astros Facts:

1. The Astros as a team have 3.1 offensive WAR. If they were a player, that mark
would tie them with Coco Crisp, Austin Jackson, Brandon Belt, Todd Frazier, Jed Lowrie,
Nolan Arenado, Gerardo Parra, and Everth Cabrera.

2. Those players rank 44th through 51st in the league for WAR.

3. The Red Sox lead the league with 30.1 WAR. That’s ten times the Astros’ mark.

4. The Astros rank second-to-last in team UZR with a mark of -50.8, behind only the
Mariners, owners of a staggering -76.6.

5. Only the Marlins (.293) have a worse team OBP than the Astros. The Marlins.

6. Astros pitchers have accounted for 0.3 WAR on the season. The Padres are the
next-to-worse, with 2.6 WAR.

7. Joe Saunders, one of the worst regular starters in baseball this season, has been
worth 0.3 WAR. Joe Saunders has a higher ERA (4.95) than K/9 (4.85).

8. The Astros’ team ERA (4.87) is more than 50 points higher than the next-worst
team (the Blue Jays, at 4.34).

9. The Astros rank worst in the league in K/9, BB/9, and HR/9.

10. Jason Castro leads the Astros with 4.0 WAR. No other Astro has more than 0.9.

I could keep going, but you get the picture. The Astros are bad.

Maybe he’s just not that into you, man. You gotta move on.

Never did hear back from you on this one. Did you find them?

Could they be locked in your car?

Insider scoop: the Red Sox are about to sign Bogaerts to a 30-year contract for infinity dollars.

Well, Jonny Gomes’s defensive technique is about as close to twerking as you can get on a baseball field, isn’t it?

Shane does what Shane wants! Just let Shane be great!

No clue what that question is.

If it’s a boy, you should name him Jose Iglesias, because comedic irony is the best.

I’m really growing to love how Nick Cafardo and Jose Iglesias are permanently tied to each other. What’s really surprised me is that Cafardo is still a Sox writer – you would have thought he’d have switched to the Tigers’ beat by now.

You may want to see a doctor. Gomes’s Disorder is a serious issue, second only to Drew Syndrome in terms of Infectious Red Sox Diseases.

Hey, look at you guys, making the same jokes and stuff.

This is awkward…

If you put this into a Magic 8 Ball, I bet it would come up “Without a doubt” every time.

Why wait? Betts is ready for the MLB, right?

…right?

Hey man. Don’t tell me how to TrollBag. I run the TrollBag. It’s mine. My own. My precious…

Well, assuming he starts every game, it should take him a little over three years. Seems attainable.

It’s possible. Why shoot so low, though? The Giants have been pretty bad this year, maybe they would part with Buster Posey and Sergio Romo.

Building off this, is everybody properly prepared for the Daniel Bard Comeback Tour next year with the Cubs? We all know it’s coming; I just don’t know if my heart can handle it.

Aaaand on that note, it’s time to stop. See you guys next time.

Categories: Boston Red Sox Daniel Bard Felix Doubront Henry Owens Jonny Gomes Jose Iglesias Mike Napoli Shane Victorino Xander Bogaerts

I'm currently an undergraduate Multimedia Journalism major at Virginia Tech and, with over 630 followers, you could say I'm kind of a big deal on Twitter dot com. I'm Fire Brand's Monday columnist, the creator of the TrollBag (sorry about that) and also the guy who writes those polls every week. I tweet far too much, but you should follow me anyways.

2 Responses to “For Those About to TrollBag” Subscribe

  1. DEW September 9, 2013 at 9:17 AM #

    How about Napoli and Gomes as ZZ Top? (Carp could be the guy without a beard.)

  2. New Lyndsay September 12, 2013 at 10:45 PM #

    Jokes about Ted Williams’ frozen head never get old.  And Xander Boegarts impregnated me with his eyes even BEFORE he got called up.