A Good Day to TrollBag

You guys know the drill by now: I ask for questions, people give me them, and rarely are
they serious. Let’s get the trollbag started.

—

This is exactly the kind of mindset the TrollBag needs.

There’s going to be a very interesting conversation about Jon Lester this offseason, whether it’s trading him or simply declining his team option for 2014. It’s starting to look as though the past three seasons are the new norm for Lester; certainly, he’s not the 6.2 WAR pitcher he was in 2009 anymore.

The Jake Peavy trade (!!!) gives the team some much-needed flexibility when it comes to Lester, and with Clay Buchholz, John Lackey, Felix Doubront, and Peavy all virtual locks to start in 2014, the question becomes whether the open spot in the rotation should go to Lester or one of the team’s younger pitchers, like Webster, De La Rosa, or Workman.

Personally, I could be swayed either way, but it seems clear enough that if there’s a current starter leaving this offseason, it would more than likely be Lester.

I’m taking the over, because I am an optimist! The real question should be “O/U 2.5 runs allowed for Peavy the rest of the year.”

…Ok, maybe that’s a little far.

I’m going to let our own Chip Buck answer this one:

https://twitter.com/Chip_Buck/status/362918084467638273

Thank you, Chip. You read my mind.

https://twitter.com/homecourtbias/status/362711639553875968

My brain says Will Middlebrooks, but my heart wants Xander Bogaerts.

I think we’ll see Middlebrooks get another shot at third sooner rather than later, as Brock Holt isn’t exactly setting the world on fire as a starter. From there, though, I’m confident how much improvement we’ll see from Middlebrooks.

If I were the front office, I would be very tempted to give Bogaerts a trial run at third
for the rest of the year, similar to what the Orioles did with Manny Machado last year. Bogaerts has tended to be a slow starter when introduced to a new league, and it could be beneficial for him to see some major league pitching before Spring Training next year. This isn’t match betting or anything, but that’s what I’d guess.

Get out.

https://twitter.com/twarner50/status/362707684807553024

These things get weird sometimes. It’s part of the job.

Abso-freaking-lutely. I would love to listen to him call Jake Peavy the next Cy Young or David Ortiz the best hitter since Babe Ruth.

Actually, can Tommy Heinsohn just call all sports, ever?

Hey, it takes some serious lifting to destroy a phone with such efficiency.

Brock Holt! o/

I do believe I covered this one in last month’s TrollBag.

I really just wanted another opportunity to include this GIF. Can you blame me?

Definitely not. Here’s another question, though: is there another outfield in baseball that has two defenders as good as Ellsbury and Victorino next to one as bad as Gomes? We’ve got two of the best defensive centerfielders in baseball, and one of the worst overall defenders period. That’s gotta be some kind of record.

I’m not sure about either, honestly. If he grows that beard out some more, he could end up on Duck Dynasty.

https://twitter.com/Chip_Buck/status/362708376125313026

Iglesias gets traded AND the Sox don’t get Michael Young? Are we even sure Cafardo is still alive?

Overwhelming amounts of grit and veteran leadership, plus a healthy dose of Jose Iglesias BABIP Magic? The real question here is “How could that team lose?”

Roughly equal to the chances of Jackie Bradley’s helmet falling off while running; which is to say, 100%.

I’m not answering questions about Barry Zito, I just really wanted to include Brett’s response:

Well done, Brett. Well done.

Let’s see here…

Jacoby Ellsbury: For The Love of Money – The Ojays

Ellsbury’s coming offseason in a nutshell: Money money money moooooney. Money!

Shane Victorino: Wipe Out – The Surfaris

Although his actually music (Buffalo Soldier – Bob Marley) is pretty fitting, as well.

Dustin Pedroia: Gettin’ It – Too $hort

I decided to stick with his actual music, because the artist’s name is “Too $hort” and that’s just perfect.

David Ortiz: Teach Me How to Dougie – Cali Swag District

Don’t lie; you want to see Papi dougie just as much as I do. I know you do.

Mike Napoli: Suit & Tie – Justin Timberlake

I went with the least Napoli-like song I could think of here.

Jonny Gomes: Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell – Das Racist

You know Gomes frequents Pizza Hut/Taco Bells. You just know.

Jarrod Saltalamacchia: Introduce a Little Anarchy – Hans Zimmer (Dark Knight
Soundtrack)

This also doubles as Salty’s defensive philosophy.

Stephen Drew: None.

Drews don’t believe in music. It’s too much fun.

Brock Holt: IMDABES – gmcfosho

Daniel Nava: Dirty Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap) – AD/DC

Seems pretty fitting for a guy who’s contract was once bought for $1.

Is any other Red Sox fan answering these questions?

I thought not.

Indeed.