I got great seats to see the plucky, underdog Yankees take on the mighty Houston Astros Thursday night. Unfortunately, the seats were on the 3rd base line in the heart of Yankee fan territory. Here are some of my favorite things I heard yelled by the fans during the game.

“C’mon Teixeira, send him a Tex message!”.

This one made me wince, then laugh, then wince again. I’m thinking it’s a John Sterling original?

Text from my wife: “I like Oberholtzer (Astros starting pitcher), can I get his jersey?”

Sounds good

“C’mon Beltran, make him pitch to you!”

Sir, the rules state that the pitcher must pitch to the batter at the plate. The umpire wouldn’t allow it if he tried to pitch to someone else. Besides, why would the starting pitcher try to avoid a guy hitting .182?

Derek, maybe a gift bag instead of an autograph?

Derek, maybe a gift bag instead of an autograph?

“Derek, sign an autograph, we paid $80 apiece for these seats”

Derek Jeter arrived in a $250 thousand car, wearing a $12 thousand suit. Frankly, he’s bored to death with the details of your middle class existence. Now let him get back to all the captaining he needs to do. First item of business: I think A-Rod needs a hug.

On a pop up to the shortstop: “It’s too high!”

Thank you very much for quoting my favorite baseball movie, Major League. This one wins the night as far as I’m concerned.

“C’mon pitcher, strike this batter out!

Or, if he hits it into play the fielder can throw it to another fielder to get this batter out, and he’ll have to go back to the dugout and stay with the other batters.

Text from my wife: “They have a Peacock on their team? (Astros pitcher Brad Peacock). Now I want a Peacock jersey. Do they have a unicorn? I want a unicorn jersey

Umm… have you been drinking? And how come you won’t watch baseball when I’m home but will watch when I’m at a game?

“Are you guys actually taking pictures or just standing there?”

This was from a fan who started heckling the large group of photographers taking Jeter pictures who were blocking his view. Good times when the fans start heckling random staff.

“C’mon Ichiro, take him yard”

In his 14 year career in 9282 plate appearances, Ichiro has hit 111 home runs. That’s roughly one every 84 plate appearances, so he’s not much of a power guy. So you might say seeing an Ichiro home run is as rare as seeing a… UNICORN?!?