I began this week, as I always do, with propositioning you people on Twitter for TrollBag questions. Anybody have some questions for me?
https://twitter.com/homecourtbias/status/455209681485832192
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs you know who else wanted Troll Bag questions? Hitler.
— Ian (@IanDougherty) April 11, 2014
Welp.
We have a bit of a shorter installment this month, as I didn’t quite push it as much as I usually do, but we still have more than enough to work with. Let’s get started.
https://twitter.com/FreeBigMacs/status/453954719111589888
I think you spelled “Salvador Perez” wrong.
https://twitter.com/FreeBigMacs/status/453963234358210560
I think you spelled “Taijuan Walker” and “Mariners” wrong.
https://twitter.com/ChrisBarnewall/status/453959485082443776
I don’t know, man. Just a tremendous disappointment, IMO. They should blow it all up. Maybe they can trade Napoli, Middlebrooks, and a prospect to the Angels for Mike Trout.
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs Does Xander Bogaerts like pineapple pizza?
— Kevin (@KPHokie615) April 9, 2014
Xander Bogaerts is a perfect human being, and I’m sure he would never stoop himself so low as to partake in the consumption of pineapple pizza. Get outta here.
@kpforthreeVT @PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs I like pineapple pizza.
— Kate Robertson (@kate3robertson) April 9, 2014
Out!
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs will JBJ be the first player to hit .500?
— jack (@jackhaveitall) April 11, 2014
This reminds me: here’s a since-deleted tweet from Buster Olney from yesterday, complete with snarky comment from your’s truly, for your viewing pleasure:
Is that you, Danny Ainge? RT @Buster_ESPN: Some in Red Sox organization believe that Jackie Bradley, Jr. is the best CF in the AL.
— Jar-Jar’s the key to all this (@FartslamDan) April 14, 2014
We also had a few email submissions this week, for a change. Let’s take a look.
Do you ever fantasize about a shirtless Grady Sizemore riding up to you on a
horse Vladmir Putin style?
-Chip Buck
Does anybody not do that?
If John Lackey and Sarah Jessica Parker had a kid together, what are the
odds their child would have big horse teeth and hooves?
-Chip Buck
2/1
Hi Nick,
I’ve been wondering since February what Buccholtz’s fastball was clocking in
at. He did an amazing job pitching last year in the playoffs. I feel like
he really came through despite his loss of velocity. Now, I’m wondering if
his arm has rebounded or it’s only a matter of time before Tommy John rears
his ugly head. 2 games into the season, how’s his velocity?
-Stephen Pascucci
I just don’t have a response to this question. It’s just glorious. I’m going to have it framed and hang it up on my wall.
Back to the Twitter…
https://twitter.com/ChrisBarnewall/status/453960475085398016
Backstory: Crystal submitted this question for last month’s TrollBag, but it just missed the cut. I then clarified that questions from previous TrollBags that don’t make it are still eligible for future ones.
I was gonna answer this one today, but since Chris here is actually the worst and had no faith in me, I’m not going to. I’ll do it next time, barring more Barnewall-related interference.
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs when does Xander sign with Roc Nation and sign with the Dodgers for $260 mil?
— Kevin (@KPHokie615) April 9, 2014
Well… you say this, but Bogaerts is already a Scott Boras client… so this might actually be a kinder fate. I choose not to think about it.
(Jackie Bradley Jr. is also represented by Scott Boras. Sigh.)
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs Darren rovell?
— Rajiv (@VHudgensFan2385) April 11, 2014
Please, no.
@TrollBagQs what did the cat say to the dog? nothing. cat's can't speak and neither can dogs.
— Hot Dog Man (@JoshuaZavadil) April 9, 2014
There you are! Where have you been all TrollBag? We missed you.
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs Why doesn't a team give Derek Jeter some defense as a parting gift?
— Kevin (@KPHokie615) April 9, 2014
Zing!
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs How many Cy Young awards does Jess Chavez win, 12? Or more?
— ‘Tis I. Andrew. Among the living. (@thegnc) April 9, 2014
To be honest, this year might be his only opportunity to. I just think it’s going to be difficult for him to break through when Henry Owens gets called up and starts winning the award every season. Gotta consider the competition here, sir.
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs Jonny Gomes is a Gold Glove winner, right?
— Kevin (@KPHokie615) April 9, 2014
Gomes really does deserve some kind of award for taking what should be routine outfield plays and making them look as difficult as possible. Watching him stumble his way into easy fly balls is one of the greater joys of watching the Red Sox the past two years, if you ask me.
@TrollBagQs Does Michael Pineda use a new style of Sun block? Buchs was just shiny, his is chunky and brown. maybe its Moon Block?
— Tyler (@BayareaSoxfan) April 11, 2014
(Nodding)
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs do you think Strasburg can be as productive as — HOT IN SO HOT IN HERRE SO HOT IN……OH
— Merry Crys(tal)mas?? (@crystalli0) April 11, 2014
@TrollBagQs I was a little surprised to see Michael Young retire. Do you expect Cafardo to retire now with no infielders to dream about?
— Tyler (@BayareaSoxfan) April 9, 2014
Frankly, I don’t know how Cafardo is going to overcome this one. He’s going to have to find a new spirit animal now and… wait, is that Brandon Philips I hear?
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs Will Billy Hamilton be the first to have an inside the park HR bunt?
— Wes Morton (@Wes_Morton) April 11, 2014
Considering that Hamilton scored off of this (image via Fangraphs)… well, I’m not gonna be the one to say he can’t do it.
https://twitter.com/ColePatty/status/455402550682849280
If I had a definitive answer to this question, I’d probably be running ESPN right now. But, alas…
@PoarchDaniel @TrollBagQs why is Felix Doubront?
— The Official Xander Bogaerts Victory Lap Account (@BenCarsley) April 14, 2014
Oh, nice of you to join us, there, Ben!
https://twitter.com/ChrisBarnewall/status/454420737021849600
Aaand last but not least, the “At Least You Tried” award goes to Chris, for tragically misremembering the lyrics to DMX’s Party Up. Stay tuned next week, when he gives us the lyrics to “X Gon’ Hand it to You.”