I miss baseball already. I certainly already miss this year’s postseason, which in my opinion was the most thrilling and eventful one we’ve had since 1986. The Red Sox weren’t involved this time, of course, but I was fine with that, because neither were the Yankees, and all I really need to have a happy October are great baseball games. The 2014 postseason had a metric ton of them.
But now what? Over five months until Opening Day? Nothing to read but trade rumors and boring MVP debates? Hell, no! Time to fire up the old wayback machine….
Few people realize that over thirty years before Twitter was invented, a little-known dial-up teletype service called GABBER! was in its testing phase. Here then, for the first time, is the Gabber feed for Game Seven of the 1975 World Series between the Reds and Red Sox. Just hours earlier, Carlton Fisk had hit one off the Fenway fair pole to win an amazing Game Six, and now it was a pair of lefties, Don Gullett and Bill Spaceman Lee, dueling it out in the climactic Game Seven…
Pre-game…
@funkysox75 After last night, anything short of absolute amazement will be a letdown. NERVOUS.
@RiceRooter Wonder how many plaid sheep died to make Gowdy, Martin, and Kubek’s sport jackets?
@umassSoxGal Can anyone explain why Carbo is leading off—against a lefty??
@SonsofFrankMalzone @umassSoxGal Because lefties see Gullett real good. Johnson knows what he’s doing.
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone If you say so.
@funkysox75 Spaceman needs to forget about not getting the ball for Game 6 and BEAR DOWN.
@lovechild That dickhead Larry Barnett is umping at second base. If Pudge gets aboard he should try and take out his ankles.
First inning…
@RiceRooter Alright! Carbo with the leadoff wall double!
@SonsofFrankMalzone @umassSoxGal Told you so!
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone You sure did. Where are you watching the game?
@BenchBrigade Stay calm out there, Donny. Reds can get you five runs in a heartbeat off that freak.
@lovechild Who let this Cincinnati dork in the room?
@SonsofFrankMalzone @umassSoxGal Cask ‘n Flagon. Take the “T” over and I’ll buy you a Gansett.
@Jawsforjesus If Pudge homers again here, this place will look like Ten-cent Beer Night.
@RiceRooter Damn it, Pudge!
Second inning…
@funkysox75 Spaceman can’t be throwing rainbow curves to Perez like that.
@RiceRooter And the Carbo Howitzer nails Foster at second! Series MVP, if you ask me.
@funkysox75 Reds lineup scares the CRAP out of me. We need to score NOW.
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone Sorry, I’m in Amherst. Next time you’re out this way, though…Haven’t I Gabbed you before?
@Jawsforjesus Can Petrocelli hit that two-run homer again please? And this time fair?
@RiceRooter That thing was crushed like North End pizza dough.
@lovechild Barnett told the third base ump to call it foul, I’m sure of it.
Third inning…
@Jawsforjesus That Chevy ad for baseball, hot dogs, and apple pie is completely vomitous.
@RiceRooter Nifty twin killing by Rooster and Doyle! Spaceman with three goose eggs!
@funkysox75 Lee had no chance on that pitch. Totally unfair that the pitchers have to hit in our park. Rule needs to change.
@RiceRooter Bernie with a walk now! Like I’ve been sayin’, MVP.
@funkysox75 Gullett having a tough time getting his breaking ball over. JITTERS, man!
@BenchBrigade Donny doesn’t get jitters. Those are for lucky-to-be-here Sox followers.
@lovechild Shut your Ohio pie hole, dork.
@RiceRooter Single for Doyle! Two aboard!
@Jawsforjesus Okay, who had Denny Doyle hitting safely in every game of the Series?
@RiceRooter Yaz with the single and we got the lead!
@umassSoxGal I love, you Yaz!
@funkysox75 They’re walking Fisk on purpose to load ’em up for Freddie Lynn!
@Jawsforjesus I’m sure this will work out well.
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone If the Sox win, promise me you’ll go out on Landsdowne and shotgun a case of Gansetts for me.
@SonsofFrankMalzone @umassSoxGal Sure, babe.
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone Hey, I’m serious!
@SonsofFrankMalzone @umassSoxGal Can we talk a little later? Sox got the bases loaded!
@RiceRooter Strike three looking? You kiddin’ me?
@funkysox75 That was NOT a strike.
@RiceRooter Come on, Rico. Come on come on come on.
@funkysox75 Ball FOUR!!
@RiceRooter 2-0 lead feels like not nearly enough, but yay!
@jawsforjesus Gullett’s all over the map! Walks Dewey and it’s 3-0!
@SonsofFrankMalzone Far out!!
@funkysox75 I can’t believe this is even HAPPENING.
@umassSoxGal Every girl in this room just screamed!
@RiceRooter Come on, Rooster. We’re not satisfied.
@jawsforjesus Oh well. he whiffs. But I’ll take the three runs.
@lovechild Think our little Reds dork went home to Mommy.
Fourth inning…
@RiceRooter Nice leadoff bunt single by Morgan. Surprised more hitters don’t bunt all the time.
@funkysox75 Spaceman is floating himself out of EVERY rally.
@Jawsforjesus Lee singles, gets wild pitched to second! Can’t believe Gullett is still in this game.
@BenchBrigade Warm somebody up, Sparky!
@lovechild Oh crap. He’s back.
@BenchBrigade Way to get out of that one, Donny!
@lovechild @BenchBrigade Shut up.
Fifth inning…
@RiceRooter Arrgh. Spaceman really late getting to first on that grounder.
@funkysox75 Doyle, you IDIOT!
@Jawsforjesus First and third, nobody out. I need to smoke a joint.
@RiceRooter Pass it this way, brother.
@funkysox75 Another scary rainbow curve, but this one gets Geronimo! LUCKY.
@Jawsforjesus Merv Rettenmund batting for Gullett. No one can succeed with a name like that.
@funkysox75 Bear DOWN, Space…
@Jawsforjesus You see? 6-4-3 and we’re out of it!
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone My friends want to know how the Cask ‘n Flagon’s doing.
@SonsofFrankMalzone @umassSoxGal Better now!!
@lovechild Did Ned Martin just say Lee was a good pitcher “despite all the shenanigans and Frisbee throwing”? What a dick.
@RiceRooter Billingham is in. Wicked devastating sinker made Pudge look awful.
@Jawsforjesus @lovechild At least he didn’t compare Lee to Mel Parnell, like Curt Gowdy just did again. That’s getting old.
@funkysox75 And Rooster walks to load ’em up for Lee. DO IT, Space!
@RiceRooter Well, at least he hit the ball to the outfield.
Sixth inning…
@lovechild Another single for Charlie Doofus. I hate that guy.
@RiceRooter Rose’s 435th single gets Willoughby going in the pen…
@funkysox75 Doyle, you IDIOT! That DP gets us out of the inning and you throw it away!
@lovechild Hustle by Charlie Doofus caused that.
@Jawsforjesus @lovechild That’s because he’s one of those gritty, lunch pail players.
@lovechild @Jawsforjesus Why are “lunch pail” players always white?
@RiceRooter Perez up. He’s due.
@funkysox75 Just don’t throw that damn rainbow–NOOOOOOO
@Jawsforjesus Special delivery to Bangor.
@RiceRooter That ball might land by New Year’s Day if we’re lucky.
@SonsofFrankMalzone SHIT.
@lovechild Barnett stole Fisk’s signal and tipped off Perez. Only explanation.
@funkysox75 We’re still winning still winning still WINNING
@RiceRooter Ha! Lee brushes Foster back for stepping out of the box twice.
@lovechild Should’ve nailed him in the head
@RiceRooter And that’s a 1-2-3 sixth for Billingham. Nothing like a sinking feeling…
Seventh inning…
@funkysox75 Now Space walks Griffey on four pitches. NOT GOOD
@Jawsforjesus Moret’s coming in. Praise the Lord.
@RiceRooter Lee had a blister, which still doesn’t explain that suicidal rainbow pitch to Perez.
@lovechild Ed Armbrister pinch-hitting, Barnett’s favorite player! Moret needs to hit him in the head.
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone I think I’m going to be sick. Wish you were here to get sick with me.
@funkysox75 And Moret walks Armbrister?? AWFUL
@lovechild Another Charlie Doofus single ties the game, and he goes to second because the Sox cutoff man is nowhere to be found. Someoe needs to pay.
@funkysox75 And now Moret walks Morgan? Get him OUT OF THERE, Johnson!
@RiceRooter Willoughby in, not a moment too soon.
@Jawsforjesus Great catch by Fisk next to the stands ends the inning. Far out!
@umassSoxGal I love you, Pudge!
@funkysox75 And the Sox can do nothing with Clay Carroll. REALLY UNFORTUNATE
Eighth inning…
@SonsofFrankMalzone @umassSoxGal Getting a little drunky here
@RiceRooter Willoughby knows what he’s doing out there. Johnson would be nuts to yank him.
@funkysox75 Reds couldn’t TOUCH Willow. Really believe we got this now.
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone I’m in 316 Pierpont. Come out if they win and we’ll party all weekend!
@RiceRooter Glad Billingham’s out of there.
@funkysox75 Carroll walks Dewey for our EIGHTH walk of the night! We gotta CAPITALIZE.
@Jawsforjesus Gowdy just said Johnny Carson won’t be seen if the game runs late. Like anyone cares.
@RiceRooter Burleson really needs to get this bunt down.
@funkysox75 Rooster, you IDIOT! 5-4-3, are you kidding me????
@Jawsforjesus Cooper pinch-hit bomb. Calling it here.
@RiceRooter @Jawsforjesus Wrong.
Ninth inning…
@Jawsforjesus Burton in to face Griffey and Geronimo. I don’t like it. Willoughby was dealing.
@BenchBrigade Let’s win this puppy, Machine!
@lovechild @BenchBrigade Unplug yourself, dweezil.
@RiceRooter Great. Griffey leadoff walk.
@Jawsforjesus Hey look! Someone who nows how to sacrifice!
@funkysox75 And there’s a 3-2 curveball that was closer to Quincy than home plate. Rose walks and here’s Morgan. We’re SCREWED.
@umassSoxGal Pleeeeeese…
@lovechild Hit him, Burton!
@RiceRooter Two line fouls by Morgan, one in each direction. This is not fun.
@Jawsforjesus Saw that bloop hit coming a mile away.
@funkysox75 DEATH.
@SonsofFrankMalzone Fuck this, I’m out.
@RiceRooter Enter Cleveland, and he walks Bench. What did we do to deserve this torture?
@lovechild This is all Larry Barnett’s fault, and if not him, it’s Nixon’s.
@funkysox75 Thank you for catching that fly, Dewey. Can we now go to the last of the ninth and WIN THIS, please?
@RiceRooter Someone needs to get aboard for Pudge to come up and do you-know-what again.
@Jawsforjesus I just discovered what it feels like to not be able to breathe.
@lovechild @Jawsforjesus Breathing is overrated.
@RiceRooter Will McEnaney in and here’s Beniquez to pinch-hit.
@funkysox75 And there goes Beniquez flying to right. Fenway sounds like a TOMB.
@Jawsforjesus Oh yeah, Bob Montgomery pinch-hitting. That should work like a charm.
@umassSoxGal @SonsofFrankMalzone Did you really leave? Just sent you a private Gabb…
@RiceRooter Monty grounds out weakly, and it’s up to Yaz.
@funkysox75 Come on come on come on come on
@umassSoxGal I still love you, Yaz!
@RiceRooter Damn.
@Jawsforjesus Crap.
@lovechild Fixed.
@umassSoxGal My heart hurts.
@funkysox75 Nice try, boys. And SEE YA folks. We’ll get ’em next year!
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